Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Footprints in the Sand

Tmething really memorable to me because this is the first piece I delivered in front of a lot of people. That was way back prep school… and I was 3 years old!


One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

Posted by Trinity The Ranger at 12:16:23 | Permalink | No Comments »

Monday, April 28, 2008

from Sappho, to Persian and Arabic poetry, to Provençal poetry

Sappho’s “To an Army Wife, in Sardis” stresses how powerful love can be. For some, cavalry or infantry corps, or the oars of the fleet are the finest sights, but the author argues that whatever one loves, is the most beautiful sight of all. Sappho presented Helen as an example of how a man’s views and priorities (that is, Paris’) can change all because of love. The poem mainly talks about the persona’s longing to Anactoria, and the love for her that goes beyond limits.
    “On the day of death, when my bier is on the move” by Jalāl al-Dīn Rūmī (under Arabic and Persian poetry) talks about the paradox of death. The persona is trying to say that there is still life after death – a life that is far more ideal than the life that we have in this physical world. The persona believes that the grave is just a shroud over the place of eternal bliss, and that though a tomb seems to be a prison, it is actually a freedom of the soul. In author’s own words, “What seed ever went down to into the earth which did not grow? What bucket of water ever went down and came out not full?” Truly, the author presented statements in the poem that seem contrary to common sense yet may perhaps be true.
    Bertran de Born’s “I love the joyful time of Easter” (of Provençal poetry) talks mainly about war and violence. The persona in the poem feels great pleasure when he sees armed knights and horses. He attains great joy from violence; it pleases him when the skirmishers make people run away, when castles are seized, etc. De Born also presented a stern perception that a man is better dead, than alive yet beaten. He described chaotic scenes wherein neighing unfastened horse wander over the wounded and the dead, and of little and great men alike fall in the flanks of corpses, yet seemed to derive pleasure from these. The author here, simply put, portrays violence like an ordinary subject matter, and at the end of the poem diverges from war to love.
    Analyzing the themes, we can observe that these three poems exhibit universal human emotions, yet did a little twist. Yes, Sappho’s “To an Army Wife, in Sardis” talks about love – a universal emotion, yet the poem is about her attraction to a woman (Anactoria). Sappho’s depiction of passionate love therefore, is not the typical heterosexual love, but a homosexual one, particularly woman-to-woman love. This theme may have created a shock in her time, but now, such theme is already accepted by modern literature readers.
    On the other hand, Jalāl al-Dīn Rūmī’s “On the day of death, when my bier is on the move” also did a little twist on our notion of death – a very general theme. For most of us, it may mean end of life and of everything. Yet the author presented the persona having no pain at leaving this physical world. Yes, the idea of a paradise after death is a Utopist thought, but the author presented it in a way that is swaying to the readers. Personally, I see this work as being influences by the dominant philosophy Sufism, in which everything has a meaning that is in relation with God. I believe that the idea of a “god” has been presented indirectly in the poem, but is reflected in the author’s notion of an after-life, of a paradise, and in his own words, of “union and encounter”.
    Provençal poetry, on the other hand, is primarily devoted to the subject of love, hence it is also called as courtly love poetry. However, Bertran de Born’s “I love the joyful time of Easter” is shockingly cruel for it talks about war and violence. Personally, I see this as somewhat similar to a known saying that man is a beast for the poem seems to portray human nature and his inclination to liking violence. The author depicts the violence of men versus men, which is but a universal scenario. What is even more shocking is that at the end of the poem, the theme abruptly changes into love – still the identity of Provençal poems.
Posted by Trinity The Ranger at 14:38:17 | Permalink | No Comments »

Melancholia

The sun is up after a twelve-hour stay of those rains. It is such a happy sight, with its rays making love to the dews on the leaves. Yet it fails to lift my spirits up. I am feeling blue even if I want to paint the mountains red.

A hollow, unexplainable thing haunts me now. A void is eating me up, and this unknown force steers me towards crying, but I just can’t. It is starting to become a big part of me. It seems to have a life of its own; it is sometimes asleep yet most of the time, it is awake.

Maybe the world started it all. I never wanted to be born in this bitter world. God knows how I clung to my mother’s uterus as birth started to push me outside this dark niche. But a doctor pulled me out, slightly deforming me, giving me this hideous appearance: UGLY. Maybe that is why I hate doctors. The world is full of bullshit and I hate it even more.

My insides grew hollower every millisecond. My eyes showed dark circles of being haunted with grief, depression, or maybe, mental regression. Whatever. The thing is, it is eating me up piece by piece.

Inside this filthy room, I sit stiff like a life-size voodoo doll. In moments like this, I seem to have this intense desire of having a gun. What would it sound like? Would I hear it and smell the powder? Would it still register in my brain cells before it spurt out of my head? If I’ll be able to think of nothing, maybe, I could fool God.

Posted by Trinity The Ranger at 14:03:31 | Permalink | No Comments »

Monday, April 21, 2008

thoughts running through my head this very second…

 

  • why do i always forget the scientific explanation for the “blueness” of the sky?

  • What would the world look like if the sky was green?

  • Would trees still be green if the sky is green?

  • My mom is thinking of sending me to a skilled nursing facility this summer..

  • if you don’t know what a skilled nursing facility is then its good for me..

  • really, skilled nursing facilities is just another name for rehabs and home for old people..

  • Nursing facilities are just like trust funds, its made to make you look like you care! (if you don’t get my drift then stay uninformed, i hate elaborating)

  • if were sending so many people to rehabs and nursing homes, shouldn’t there be reviews of skilled nursing facilities in our country? I mean just to make sure they’re doing there job right?

  • What is life?

  • What is the purpose of our existence?

  • Have we been created by an all knowing, all powerful and benevolent God or are we just some random cosmic anomaly? An accident?

  • Why do we love?

  • What is love?

  • Can my thoughts be any more stupid?

  • Yes, my thoughts tend to get more stupid the longer i stay thinking!

  • I should stop thinking now, if i think another thought, ill go crazy, which is a bad think ’cause my mom will have another excuse to send me to a “skilled nursing facility”

Posted by Trinity The Ranger at 16:55:01 | Permalink | No Comments »

Friday, April 11, 2008

Between the holy and the carnal

The film The Crime of Padre Amaro tells of a young priest – fresh out of the seminary, seemingly idealistic, and was ready to devote his life to God – only that he was then confronted with real-world choices: that of temptation and corruption.

Father Benito’s receiving of financial help from the region’s drug lord for the construction of a new health clinic, with him claiming that reveal how difficult it is for any generation of priests to stick to their celibacy vows.

Natalio – who was excommunicated because he was suspected of assisting guerilla troops in the highlands. We see the ‘devout’ and ‘pious’ Amelia tempting the young priest. We see Father Amaro and Father Benito succumbing into hypocrisy to hide their own ‘immorality’. Paradoxes indeed.

I believe there was really ‘no crime of Padre Amaro’. Well, at one perspective, as in the title, that crime may be his swindling with the rules of the Church which leads him to his temptation, to the act of abortion, and then to the death of both his child and his lover. But I do not see it as a crime at all; Father Amaro was just victimized and persecuted by the rules he himself does not believe in, only that he was forced to conform and accept them for it was part of the convention.

This thus leads to the issue between nature and culture – of which the latter was seen as ‘higher’ than the other. When confronted by his temptation, Father Amaro reasoned out that ‘he is but a man’, and that speaks of his carnal needs – and that is something biological, something part of human nature.

Padre Amaro was indeed persecuted not with anything else, but by the rules of the convention. I believe that in the truest sense, no crime was done by the Father. Though passionate for the vocation he had chosen, Padre Amaro only took the vow of celibacy because he was required to. When he The Crime of Padre Amaro is a biting indictment of the hypocrisy and corruption that has plagued the Catholic Church even before. Hypocrisy in the sense that the Church and the people inside it had chosen to stick with the ‘image’ they had been living in pretense for hundreds of years.

Posted by Trinity The Ranger at 10:28:02 | Permalink | No Comments »

you can’t teach god anything

I’ve met God across his long walnut desk with his diplomas hanging on the wall behind him, and God asks me, “Why? Why did I cause so much pain? Didn’t I realize that each of us is a sacred, unique snowflake of special unique specialness? Can’t I see how we’re all manifestations of love?”

I look at God behind his desk, taking notes on a pad, but God got this all wrong. We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens.

And God says, No, that’s not right.

Yeah. Well. Whatever. You can’t teach God anything.

 –Thoughts from a queer.

Posted by Trinity The Ranger at 09:40:38 | Permalink | No Comments »